The Days of MY Life
Dec. 18th, 2014
Hello December. Seems there's nothing new to say, just the same old thing. For some reason I'm not sleeping much, I wonder if my meds are mixed up. I don't think so, but then...well, I'm pretty tired so maybe my brain's all mixed up. Things are good, finally able to get something out of all the work and $ we've put into growing and Lan has gotten GOOD at it. So tasty, so uh, damn where's the word...effective?
I feel very spoiled, my brother is giving me $500 for xmas and I get a new phone! There will be a way to skype with my brother, and eventually my nephew. I'm so excited, I can't stand it! There's a part of me that's incredibly envious, wishing it was me instead of him. Knowing that's not to be, I channel it all into being thrilled for him. He felt his child move for the first time not too long ago, and I can only imagine the thrill it gave him. I bought stuff for Selmin's shower today, but I need a few more things. This weekend is going to be spent baking, so I'll have to get the last few things next week.
I'm sad that I don't have a piano. I wish I hadn't given it up. John said he and his buddies would help me move it but I have no idea how to approach it with Nikki. I paid for all the moving expenses, she never gave me any $ or even said "thank you" so I don't feel too terrible about asking for it back. Of course Lorrie has said she's thinking of getting rid of the piano, so maybe I could just take that one and leave the other where it is. Or I could just forget about it, it's not like I played it that much anyways. It's just one more thing that I could have used to keep my brain active in different ways.
And now maybe I can go to sleep. At least I have to try. Ugh!
Oct. 22nd, 2014
Weird how I think about making posts here, but then another month goes by and nothing.
I'm very excited to get a nephew, and there's a tattoo I've been thinking of for a long time. I know, that seems like a non-sequitur, but they're related. I've wanted something to...can't think of the right word...acknowledge? honor? celebrate? my relationship with D for a long time, and because of our mutual love of music I was thinking of a music staff with a "d" on it. And if they do name my new nibbling (love that word, thanks to Amy for introducing me to it) Gabriel I can put a "g" on it as well. Lan won't like it, but if it's for my nephews...
I'm devastated that they're not selling Diet Pepsi with vanilla around here any more. I have about 8 cans left, then I'm forced to go with a kind that's not my favorite. Maybe I'll drink more water? Ha!
I did find the jewelry I thought I'd lost. I had dropped into my sister's chair, and there it stayed since April. The only ones I "lost" were my only real jewelry--my sapphire necklace and the black pearl necklace I got in New Zealand. There was a part of me that had a pit in my stomach since I discovered they weren't in my jewelry bag. It was such a relief to find them. And Mom had just found some of my other jewelry at her house, some of my really sparkly things. I feel more complete.
Sep. 9th, 2014
04:15 pm - North Cascades
Yesterday Lan drove us up to Mt. Vernon to the Royal Star Chinese Buffet for lunch. They have to best sweet buns ever, so I decided that Lan's new nickname would be Lan "Sweet Buns" Bidon. So if you hear me call him that...
We then drove out hwy. 20 to Pateros. We wanted to check out how burned things got out there and were happy to discover that the cabin we stayed in at x-mas a few years ago hadn't been damaged. It was pretty amazing how close the fires got in some cases. We took some pictures with Lan's phone, maybe some day I'll email them to myself and download them.
We owe Nick payment for all his help with the move and I thought we'd be driving by where he was so we brought it with us. He, of course, was too busy to meet us and we decided to go home via hwy. 2 rather than I90 at the last minute. I realized when we passed a sign that we were going to drive right by Goldbar, so stopped in the see Sarah and Mike and Don, who we owed the same thing as we did Nick, so delivered that and got some hugs. I love it when last minuted things like that work out. When we got there Lan was telling me how tired he was, and we'd only stay for 5 minutes. I told him I'd take his cue as to when to leave, and we stayed for probably about 1/2 hour, much better than the 5 minutes. Even better, when we left he told me he'd had a good time. That bodes well for future visits.
I'm really looking forward to getting our house in good order. It will be much easier having more space to store all of Lan's mom's stuff that we don't use. Then maybe I can get Yvonne out here to help me hang pictures, that will be awesome!
I've noticed a lot more lines and wrinkles on my face lately. I, however, and not concerned about my looks enough to spend any $ or time to do anything about it. Sometimes I use face creams, but I'm not even willing to do that consistently.
Sep. 7th, 2014
It's now been more than a month since I've smoked a cigarette. Here we go again. Maybe I won't start again? Please?
I've been drinking a lot more than I usually do, not sure what's up with that. Which means I've been drunk twice in the last 2 weeks, drunk enough that I don't remember going to bed. It's not to the point where I'm worried about it, but with my family history...well, there have been several family members that have been in treatment for substances including alcohol and I don't want to just assume it won't become a problem. Because pot is my drug of choice, and I don't plan on that changing. Plus it's cheaper--well, it is for us anyhow.
I don't know what's wrong with me, why I can't seem to stop myself from saying sexual things to guys I've slept with in the past. It's all fantasy, and I tell myself that it's different than it was with the other guy because there's no way I can thing there's anything but a sex thing with this guy. But that's what I thought last time. And there was so much I read into what he said. I see that now, how he never said the things I thought he did. Some things he did. Damnit, why am I still thinking about him? It's obvious that he never gave two shits for me, let alone cared about me. I really need to just be a good wife.
Lan deserves me to be a good wife. He loves me so much, he's so good to me. I took a step today to ensure that because he asked me to. I wish that I had done it sooner, I'm not sure why I waited. *shrugs* it's done now. I'm struggling, but I'm persevering. Strange how the brain can find excuses for doing the wrong thing. It's kind of like an addiction thing. Talking to Charlie today he said he never quit drinking even when he told me he had. That he'd lied. I told him "I figured as much. Addicts lie." Not me, not this time. Not again.
Aug. 16th, 2014
Here we are again, more than a month since I've posted. I read more regularly, even comment if my friends post but somehow never get around to posting myself. It's good to see some people make more use of lj, I do enjoy it more than fb. Even though there are more people there. I just seem to feel more restricted there. I'm sure there's a way to make it so that only certain people on my friend's list can see, but I don't feel like figuring that out.
I'm back to not smoking--2 weeks since I've had a cigarette tomorrow. We have enough pot now. For a while I'll be extra stoned, as I'll be smoking pot instead of cigarettes when I have a craving. I'm not having a whole hell of a lot of them right now for which I'm glad. Lan says that he hasn't noticed me being bitchier than usual since I quit and I hope that's the case. I don't feel bitchier.
I also quit taking the anti-depressant because I seem to have had a hard time climaxing since I started taking it. As that's one of the ways I naturally become less "depressed" and I think that things have changed so my situation is making me happier, I don't think it's worth the tradeoff. ( more about sexCollapse )
It's been wonderful seeing Donna--we're totally kindred spirits. I feel like she just thinks the same way that I do, and that's pretty validating. I hope she finds it the same. It's another reason I'm glad Amy's living here. Happily, I find that I enjoy living with John as well. He often brings friends by, and it's good to have the young energy around. Lan really likes it as well, and wishes Jessica wanted to move in too. Even if Amy wasn't here, we couldn't do that because Steven comes with her and there's no way 5 people and 1 bathroom would work. Not for any length of time anyways. Especially since no one can really shower if any other water is being used in the house because there's no water pressure.
Oh! And I haven't even said the best thing! I'm going to be an aunt!!! Biologically! I'm so happy that my brother (ok, sister-in-law) has a bun in her oven! She thinks she a little over a month along and will learn more when she's further. I get a niece or nephew! I have a feeling it's a boy, but when I refer to the kid I always say "she" so I'm obviously not very convinced of that.
I'm not done, but I have to be, so more later. Muah!
Jul. 14th, 2014
Oh yeah, and owning your own business sucks! Grrrrr!!!
Long time no post! I think it's about time. Things are moving along, getting done slowly but surely. It's John's 21st birthday today, too bad we don't get paid until Wednesday. None of his friends want to go out tonight. Most of them are younger than him, so can't. We're going to take him out to the closest bar, the Star Lake Inn. It's where Lan and I went on the 4th, they have a big window overlooking Star Lake where rich people live and they compete for who has the best firework show. It was nice, not a very busy evening at the bar. Lan and I stood out on the deck and watch fireworks with our arms around each other, saying things like "reminds me of last night." Because my mind resides in the gutter.
OK, time to get dressed to take John out, I can't go naked.
May. 17th, 2014
10:17 pm - Update
I just don't have much time for ANYTHING except things that will help us move. Like with that, it took me about 1/2 hour to type this sentence after I typed the 1st because I stopped to pack a bin in between (we have some handy bins we're packing things into because free boxes are hard to come by.) Today we had a yard sale, made a little bit of $ but there's still so much stuff left. I reposted the ads for our furniture, and hopefully the rest will sell.
I'm so tired. We've been working at the house every day all day, usually just the 2 of us. Lan taught me how to install outlets and light switches, so I'm feeling a bit more helpful than when we were doing the drywall. My right forearm is aching, with all the painting and screwing as my left hand is fairly useless if I need any speed or accuracy. I hope it doesn't look like a Popeye arm when this is over *grins*. I didn't go with him, but I spent all day getting ready for the yard sale. I still don't think it would have happened if I hadn't had help from my sister, mom, and Lynn. What amazing ladies! Tomorrow everything is 1/2 off until 3pm, then everything is free, so hopefully we won't have to take too much stuff to Goodwill.
Not only is this going on, but Lan's god-daughter and her family (husband/boyfriend and 2 small children) have been staying with us, because they have no where else to go. Thankfully, they haven't been here for the last 2 nights. Unfortunately, they left a big box of clothes and their playpen here--like we have room for that shit while we're trying to get moved. They're not helpful and they don't clean up after themselves. Irritating, but what else can Lan do? I know he's not any happier about it than I am.
( About my lady partsCollapse )
Apr. 27th, 2014
11:44 am - Moving
So so so SOOOOO much work to do. Before we can even move in to the new place. Our rent is paid until 5/15 but Lan doesn't think we can be out by then and will have to pay for the rest of the month. It'd be better if we didn't have to but he's right about it being easier to fix the ceiling and paint before our stuff is there. They're upgrading the electrical system today, so hopefully we can get the rest done more quickly than Lan thinks we can. I need to get stuff out of the dressers we're planning on selling, along with just set aside all the things we're going to sell. I have all the books and CDs gone through, and I just need to get pictures of the furniture that's to be sold, but first I need to get the furniture into shape to take pictures of (IE, take the electronics off of it, but then where do I put the stuff on it? and move it so that I can actually get pictures. Lan really really doesn't want to move the piano again, but we have to get it out of here one way or the other and taking the roof off is not an option, so we might as well just take it to Nikki's where she will use it. Or at least her kids will. Then, maybe, when we have room for it, I can get it back? I hope? Because I like to have it, and kids love it.
John is already moved in. At first I was a bit worried about living with an almost-21-year-old, and although I know there will be challenges, I'm no longer worried about it. I think it will be fine, and I don't agree with Lan that we will need our own refrigerator. If he's right we can always get one, but our room is going to be crowded enough, especially considering that I really want to keep my table, it's pretty awesome. But it gets pretty small, and we need somewhere to put the computer considering that we're planning to sell the desk since it matches my dressers. That will be on one end with the microwave and toaster oven on the other. Oy vay! Our room is going to be crowded!
I've been going going going basically since I moved back home, so today I'm taking the day off while Lan gets the electrical done. I can't really be much help with that anyway. I plan on watching some tv and taking a bath, and if I get ambitious I'll put stuff for the moving sale in bins. And maybe laundry.
We've had help from various people. John has actually been pretty good, working with Lan and sometimes me too. Nick came down for a day and was a HUGE help. I think more got done that day than any other. Ruth and Damian help a bunch with moving magazines. And there were LOTS. 4 stacks from the floor too the ceiling plus. Mom came and helped with folding and putting away all the clothes still there from Lan's mom that I had laundered. 8 loads of laundry worth, and she has a high capacity washer and dryer. Plus we found out what we needed for the kitchen. I like our dishes/silverware better than hers, so I think I'm going to box hers up and put it in the attic. I'll have some odds and ends for the sale, but my basic sets I'll keep. Except for the mugs, I don't use those very often. Blah blah blah, who cares. Ah well, this journal is for me, not for any real entertainment value. Unless you're really bored.
It's nice to get time to post here. Really all I've had time for is to access fb on Lan's phone (I'll be getting a new one soon, just after the move. Hey, we have to pay for the data anyways because of his job and our plan, might as well be able to use it.) and doing anything other than "like"ing things is more trouble than it's worth. I don't like not being able to actually type, even though I'm not the fastest it's way faster than the one finger method that's the only thing I've been able to do with a touch screen.